July 6, 2017

The Thief Of Joy


I've honestly been low key comparing myself to other girls my entire life. The exact moment or memory of when the comparison started is a little fuzzy, but I know it was around middle school which I'm sure is a shock to no one. Don't get me wrong, those early years weren't miserable for me; I had friends and I wasn't bullied because I could run my mouth with the best of them but I still always felt in limbo. It was probably the hormones and the "not knowing who I was" normalcy that comes with that age.

Back then when those feelings of self doubt would roll in, I remember them being triggered by me feeling like I wasn't cool enough or pretty enough or whatever enough. Or they would come because I felt like I wasn't "black enough" which is seriously a whole blog post in and of itself. But I digress. Anyways, looking back I know now that those things were all lies but they felt so real and hurtful in the moments. At 25 even those gut feelings still linger but I'm more aware of it than when I was a kid. Every now and then I'll catch myself mid comparison and give myself a quick pep talk, usually with lots of curse words  sentence enhancers until I bring myself back down to reality. 

Lately though, the comparison has been hard to shake because I feel it soley when I login to Instagram. Which is probably just as ridiculous for you to read as it is for me to admit, but I'm not afraid of this fact: My name is Morgan and I compare myself to girls on a social media platform that I will never meet. And it's exhausting. Especially working in social media for both my job and my blog. All we want to do is succeed right? To get likes and engagement and feel like we're doing something that people enjoy being a part of. But sometimes it's not fun and that's the moment for me when I have to take a step back and remind myself why I started this blog in the first place. But the round and round cycle of comparing myself to this girl or that girl is...too much. Seriously ya'll why do we do this to ourselves?

They call comparison the thief of joy and it really is.

I'm basically sharing all of this today because comparison is this internal occurrence that we all deal with but rarely talk about even though the traps are everywhere. The good news is I believe we can limit the crazy and get our joy back. It's hard as hell to do but the mind can be trained and that's why I wanted to share with ya'll 4 things I do when I find myself comparing.

1. Recognize that feelings aren't fact. 
My mom always use to tell me that "everybody's got their something". So just because I think that someone's life is shinier or better than mine that doesn't make it true. They're going through battles that I will never know about. And while the way you feel is 100% important, at the end of the day feelings are not facts and not letting them control your mind is more than half the battle.

2. Get to the root of the problem.
Usually when I'm comparing myself to someone its because of another issue within myself. And because I'm slowly trying to eliminate comparison in my life, whether its a big thing or a small one, I'm always trying to figure out what the real issue is. Because its never about some random girls outfit ya know, there's usually something deeper going on. So figure out what that is and put positive energy towards making that issue better. 

3. Snap yourself out of it.
Whether its a hefty personal pep talk or calling up one of my girlfriends this ALWAYS makes me feel better. I usually call my friends Lauren and Kristen and tell them to stop me from being crazy and they'll laugh and we'll talk it out. Works like a charm every time!

4. Celebrate who you are.
Seriously, even though I run around acting silly sometimes, I think I'm the bomb and so are you! So embrace and celebrate who you are everyday!

Anyways, I've just had that on my heart for a little bit and wanted to share it with you. I think we each possess something unique and amazing and we should collaborate more and compare less. I know its easier said than done, but here's to taking that first step.

Have a great Thursday! 
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