September 26, 2017

The Other Side Of Fear

Everything you've ever wanted is on the other side of fear.

Those words...lumped together in a sentence like that kinda make your heart jump don't they? At least that's the way I feel when I read someone wrote those eleven words just for me.

I think my reaction is due to the fact that I'm currently going through this internal struggle I like to call the "is it worth it to chase my dreams" conflict. You know, that feeling you can't shake, that tug at you're heart that you're suppose to be doing something more, chasing something greater, stepping out on faith in some way shape or form. I feel like that everyday ya'll. This overwhelming inescapable sense of conviction...yeah that's the word. I feel hella convicted reading that quote.

Everything you've ever wanted is on the other side of fear.

I think most people ignore that feeling if I'm being honest. That or they just don't have the desire for more, but I think most of us tuck that little emotion away deep down inside us and go on living our lives because it's easier. It's easier to dismiss our dreams than to stare them in the face and admit to wanting them. More than we want to feel comfortable. More than the fear that is holding us back....

For me that fear of "chasing my dreams" has always been tricky and twofold:

1. I'm afraid that I'm not good enough. That I'm not talented enough to achieve my dreams. That I'm wasting time because I should have tried harder when I was younger, when there was less at risk.

2. I'm afraid that any success I might achieve will be underserving because of mistakes that I've made in the past. Big, small, accidental or intentional; I feel like my mistakes define me. Which is a dangerous burden to hold onto, chasing dreams or not. But reality 101 in my life is that I'm hard on myself.

So for years I've been going through life, with fear #1 and fear #2 all up on my back, suddenly getting a small taste of that "this is what you're suppose to be doing" feeling, letting fear talk me out of it, pushing that feeling down deep and then continuing with life as usual. And around and around and around in that circle I went for 10 years. Turns out running from the things you love is exhausting AF. Especially when I don't HAVE to be running, I could surrender and let it all go like Elsa because....

Everything I've ever wanted is on the other side of fear. 

So why am I sharing this with you? Great question. For one, I low key needed to get it off my chest for my own sanity but I also know that on some level we all deal with issues like this. So I wrote this post to let you know that you are not alone. Whatever your fear is and whatever happiness or fulfillment lies on the other side of're not alone in wanting to satisfy your dream to obtain it.  
I also wanted to share some things that are slowly helping me to get out of my own way and face the fear:
1. Make a list of 5 things you would do if you knew you wouldn't fail. AKA write down your dreams.
So I know this is corny but give me a minute to explain. For me it's easier to get to the quick and dirty of what I want by making a short list and then start taking steps towards those goals. They seem less scary when I break them down plus it helps give me a simpler place to start. 
2. Research people who fearlessly chase their own dreams/people you look up to in whatever you want to do.
For me that means reading lots of #GirlBoss books.  I'm currently reading Big Magic by Elizabeth Gilbert, the author of Eat, Pray, Love and I'm re-reading A Year Of Yes by THE QUEEN Shonda Rhimes and I am in heaven. I've always been drawn to women who say f-it and dive head first after the things they want in life! It makes me braver and I don't know why it helps knowing that someone else started where I am, but it always does.
3. Show yourself some grace.
These things don't happen overnight. As much as my Gemini brain would LOVE for them to, it doesn't work like that. So everyday I have learned to try and show myself a little more grace. As long as I am doing SOMETHING to move me closer to my goals then I have to count that as a win. Same goes for you girlfriend. Be a little nicer to yourself okay.
Sorry for the length of today's post. Claps for you if you made it to the end! Anyways I hope this helps or was relatable for you in some way....see you tomorrow! 

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